How I fell In Love with Writing
If I were to look back at 7 year old self, never in my wildest dream will I ever imagine myself writing. I was never interested with books and journals. Not until my grandma passed, when the only choice left is to write to her what I felt, how I’m doing and how was my life after she left. I fell in love with books in high school because the pages were my only escape from the harsh reality and to feel up the void that is within me. I feel like I’m teleporting to a different place and a different time. I wanted to feel how the characters in the book felt, to feel a bunch of emotions to keep convincing myself that I was still alive.
I considered High School as the darkest years of my life and the time I tried to fit in. I remember having this walls filled with print outs of Tumblr posts with the most depressing and destructive thoughts. I remember coming home from school and lock myself in a dark room and read until I fell asleep. When I remember those days, I can’t help myself but to tear up and be grateful. I’m glad I didn’t gave up. I’m glad that I still chose to keep going.
If you’re friends with me you’ll never know that I was in that state in high school because I used to be so good in hiding and projecting that I was put together. I would be the life of the party when I’m around my friends, I will always fit in. But when no one is around I’d be in a whole new world of darkness when I go home. My routine was just mainly being in school and being at home. I would only go out if ever there’s a project that needed to be done on the weekend but aside from that, I was just mostly at home reading. I never had a social life! My mom used to convince me to go out to the neighborhood and socialize. I tried and it helped me, somehow.
Senior year was the year that changed my life and everything that is within me. I met my best friend. From then on, we started to do things together. We’ll walk to the nearest plaza together to eat and to talk about our lives and dreams after school. We used to go home together and to our surprise, we live a few blocks away from each other. We also created a solid group of friends in our classroom. I can’t thank God enough for the life of those individuals that took me out from the very dark hole that I’ve been to for years.
Psalm 34 : 4-8
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”
This is the bible verse that I would always hold on to when I was building my relationship with the Lord again.
In the midst of my depression, the Lord met me halfway. He reminded me of who and how worth it I am. I started going back to church and I was welcomed by a lot of beautiful souls that help me with my journey in faith and becoming the best version of myself. I was in complete surrender and left everything on His hands.
Writing has been a huge part of my journey, especially on those dark days. It help me to unleash all the thoughts that keep me awake every single night. The hurt, the pain, the struggle, the victories and the little joys. I wrote all of them in pages. I never had the perfect grammar whenever I write, I don’t use highfalutin words to express my feelings. I just write what I know and how I feel. I was just being raw and honest with everything I felt and for me, it’s more than enough.
I decided to pursue writing because I feel like there’s an abundance of ideas in my head that I kept for too long. I wanted to create, I wanted to write. When I write I feel like a whole new version of me comes out, like there’s so much words in my heart that has been kept and is waiting to come out. Aside from traveling, the output of my writing always makes my heart jump out. I’m always happy to create, to unleash my creativity.
True enough that God will never let an ugly chapter of our lives remain ugly because He always make something beautiful out of it. Hard times is just a season it’s not a destination. I fell in love with writing because of those hard times that I went through.
“God has placed you on this earth to fulfill a purpose and to take dominion. There’s a greatness within you that you’ll need to discover and to share to the world. I have a dream that everyone will find it impossible to be attained but that’s the impression that the Lord has given me and every day I strive to attain that dream one step at a time.” As my brother Harold would always tell me.
It hit me to my core and since then I journeyed in finding my purpose in life. I whispered to the Lord in my prayer. “If what he said is true. Help me to become the person that you’ve designed me to be Lord. I don’t want to be content with who I am now because I was destined for greatness!”
I wanted to be remembered. I don’t want to live life by just existing and fade away in time. I wanted to use my words and my love for writing to reach out to people across the globe. It won’t be easy because it is a gradual process mixed with excessive efforts, it does not happen overnight or in a single snap. But what’s important is that we try every day to live life going beyond ourselves to reach our full potential and to fulfill our purpose in one way or another.
Have you written? What pushes you to write? Is there anything that you’re good at to share to the world? Share your thoughts in the comment box below! I would love to read them!